what do i say ??

When heart breaks it leaves you numb . there is no anger , no pain , no rage , no compassion , no sorrows , no tears i feel nothing as if i have been anasthised . Every time you ask someone you put your heart on ur hand to be kicked at , to be mocked at and rearely to be accepted. You put yourself through a lot of pain and the question now is " Is all this really worth it ?" I dont know i am confused and puzzled. It is not that heartning to see your dreams and your feeling being thrashed but then i am helpless . I don't think i can do much except moving on and consoling my heart . I have to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and walk on. I know things will change , times will change and agony will give way to extascy but when ?? I don't know the answer and i don't want to find it right now .
I am numb and that is what i to be right now JUST NUMB no heartaches, no sorrows , no pains , no guilts just silence and seclusion

A witty conversation

It was one of those days when i had a pretty witty conversation with my friend. I thought i will blog some of it . So, here it goes

Me : Somethings you do in life ,

you can never change ,

so its better you think of the

consequences

Friend : Sometimes getting hurt

is needed to make you grow ,

Failures are needed to make you know ,

losses are needed to make you gain ,

because some lessons are best learnt through

Pain

Me : I know ,

And the bad time will end soon

cause there is light at the end of long dark tunnel

and each morning sun always rise

no matter how dark is the night

Friend : but whats to be done if their is no way out

what's to be done if tunnel is blocked

i know a new road has o be made

but that's not possible

Me : Life doesn't stop it goes on ,

and things don't remain the same ,

they change

Just follow your heart

and you will find your treasure

the tunnel can be made again

if you try

Good Luck

Friend : We always live in hope

and just to console my heart

i am living

rest i don't know

Me : Don't lose hope

life is greater than one person

or thing

no one is larger than life

don't worry about things which are not under

your control

try to control what you can

and be happy for what you have

rather than being sad for what you don't

REDEMPTION

To everyone i have wronged i am sorry , i am too a human afterall , i do make mistakes . I may have broken your heart ,perhaps disappointed you sometimes and not lived up to your expectations....I AM SORRY but i promise i will try and be a better person for every failure , every disappointment helps us GROW .

My Big Plan for 2009

Ah !! 2008 is coming to an end we are in late november and well yes its a little too early but i am thinking about next year and the way my life will be changed. What i plan to do. Well first things first next year in may i will be an engineer finally :) four years of hard work culminating to give me these two words to place before my name :D. Anyways ,all the readers must be knowing i have two job offers Torry Harris and Tech Mahindra but since both these companies have not offered joining to my seniors till now :( . So i have decided to study and give CAT in the mean time , who knows what will happen though. I have been confused whether to go for I A S or CAT but as far as I A S goes it don't think i have two subjects for mains right now .That's why i thin CAT is a better option given that i have an year to produce results , i hope i won't change my plan now and work to bell the cat .Maybe this is a veiled opportunity provided to me by god by delaying my joining and allowing me to prepare for CAT . I hope i will make use of it and make my life better , I still think i will sit for I A S someday but that will have to wait. By the way thank you god for 2 placements this year , joining or no joining i am highly obliged , hoping for more of this in future too.

Whatever happens , happens for Good

Unsatisfied with life ?? Want more out of it ?? Has something happened in past which you can't put right now ?? Do you pine for that some one special and you know life will be beautiful with her but instead of all your efforts you can't be with her . Well don't repent my friend cause whatever happens , happens for a reason . God has in fact created something good for everybody and well you just have to find it instead of loosing heart and getting disheartened. Life is all about moving on and not stopping and repenting at things which we can't achieve but using them as a launch pad for something better then what you have presently. Life is about learning from failures and making them pillars for your future success. In life difficulties have to be faced fought and conquered , and if we have all the successes without any failures then how can be expect to grow ?? If we want to get everything without taking any pain then we can never be happy and contended when we achieve it. For it is well known that he who have worked hard throughout the day can only enjoy a full night's sleep.

Thank you SIR

Well i was coming back after watching the movie Dostana when i meet my tearcher at the ATM.
He was from civil department and did not knew me that well but he knew one of my friends.It was around six and we had to be back in campus by 7 , it usually takes one hour if we come by bus and so we decided to ask our teacher for a lift but seeing she was with her wife we thought otherwise , but he guessed our intentions and offered us the lift himself. Later when we were in car , he said "Mujhe ab bhi yaaad hai in my bachelor days tumhare jaise hii humm bhi teachers ki gaddi ke samne chale jaate thee aur phir agar lift mill jaati to kitne khuss hote thee." Life runs real fast maybe one day i will be at his place giving lifts to someone perhaps a junior telling him about my college days . One day i would have a car and a wife too ...and a lot of memories of these days which are flying like a whirlwind.

DOSTANA - THE REVIEW

Mindless comedy but a weak story line . I went to watch it with a bunch of friends and we laughed and laughed till our stomach ached ..but there was nothing more to movie than this.
Ofcourse there is a competition between Shilpa Shetty and priyanak Chopra as to who will look more hotter ...Shilpa looked sexy to me and so did Priyanka .
The story is about Akshay and John lying to priyanka about them being gay to get to live with her and both falling in love with her . John is seen showing off not only his abs byt also his butt ...and the highlight of the movie being the ' kiss ' between John & A.B. Somewhere after the interval the movie becomes slow and boring as well but Bobby Deol adds a new twist ..still an ok ok outing , its ok if you miss it or watch it at home . Music is superb though i love all the songs .

Poem fo College magazine Vartika

VARTIKA - The Wick Of Knowledge

Amalgamation of all colors of life ,
Blend of all emotions ,
igniting our souls
and
expanding our minds


Giving wings to our thoughts
Voice to our words

outline to our ideas
and
Platform to our hidden opinions

Spreading knowledge
And distributing wisdom
Vartika is here again

I wrote these few lines for our college magazine .... hope you all like it

Will it ever be yes ??

A funny thing called love ... This is a conversation between two people ....


The boy says to girl

"I know you love me . I know you do but why are you afraid to tell me . Why do you think about future ? Can't e just live in present ..Don't i have the right to be loved ..to have that special someone ...Can't i ever be fully and trully happy . Do i always have to defeated by this world . Do i always have to be a looser ? Can't i ever have you ?? What have i done so wrong to deserve this ?? Till how long will you test me . Till how long will i have to look at you and say ' there goes the one i love , there goes the one i can really do anything for and there goes the one who just doesnt love me though i love her but then yes i cant force you , its your choice to admit what you have in heart for me because your eyes betray your mind ....they show what you have in your heart. Anyways i am here waiting , waiting till you say you love some one else cause even if you don't love me i do and will keep loving you as long as i am alive "





The girl says " I can't fall in love again . I am not allowed . I don't want to cry again and i don't want to suffer . I like you , you are a nice guy a really nice guy but i can't say yes . I can't go against my mom . I can't offend her and my family . We will always be friends and i will alwyas be there for you but i don't love you infact i cannot love you . "


What can the boy do ? What will be his reply ... will the girl ever say yes ... i am thinking of a plot lets see how will the story unfolds

Essay

The Menace of Terrorism

Terrorism has become the systematic weapon of a war that knows no borders or seldom has a face.
JACQUES CHIRAC
Terrorism is use of illegal means and violence against innocent people to further the cause of particular ideology. This ideology may be motivated by the purpose of attainment of a particular goal which may be political or social. The persons using this illegal violence are known as a terrorist. The terrorists do not care if they have to take life of these innocent people to intimidate government and the people in power to submit to their demands. The history of acts of terrorism goes as far back as 14th century when the Tartars threw dead bodies over the walls of Kaffa hoping to start a plague. The word terrorism itself was invented in 1795 and used to refer French revolutionaries who executed their enemies and tried to suppress opposition to their ideology.
The exact definition of ‘Terrorism’ is still not formulated as what can appear as a terrorist act to one party or a nation can occur as an act of getting freedom to the people who are doing this act . Methods used by terrorists include kidnapping, hostage-taking, bombing, shooting and hijacking of aeroplanes and vehicles. Some terrorist attacks do not in any way endanger the actual person responsible for carrying out the attack , while at the other end are suicide bombers known as Fidayeen , who are prepared to die as a result of their own actions. Aside from politics as a motive for terrorism, there are other causes, including racism, and religious convictions. The religious zealots and fanatics brainwash people especially inexperienced youth and inspire them to fight in the name of God . These youth are motivated to fight a holy war for spreading their faith and destroy every country and individual who does not want to practice it . Terrorism is extremely difficult to control, given that it nearly always has the advantage of the 'surprise' element. Terrorist attacks, by their very nature, can rarely be predicted. Furthermore, most prominent terrorist groups are well-funded both within their countries and abroad. This funding provides weapons and security. Since there are so many different terrorist groups, each with its own agenda and demands , attempts to curb terrorism through international agreements are considerably difficult to yield any result .
Terrorist also fund their activities through illegal human trafficking, drug trafficking, intimidating business tycoons and film stars and match fixing. As human generation has evolved so has terrorism. Today there are different types of terrorism used by terrorists to spread agony and destruction. Terrorism is basically classified into six types so that we can understand it better and combat it with all our resources and military might.
State terrorism is when a particular state sponsors the terrorist organizations which spread terrorism in other states . Also when a state uses force to terrorize citizens of other countries without declaration of war in order to achieve particular goal, it is an instance of state terrorism.
Bioterrorism refers to intentional release of poisonous substances to harm and terrify human lives. Various toxic substances ranging from Anthrax , Botulism , Small Pox etc can be used in these kind of attacks. The use of biological agents in warfare isn't new. Pre-modern armies tried to use naturally occurring diseases to their advantage. In 1346, the Tartar (or Tatar) army tried to turn the Plague to their advantage in their siege of the port city of Kaffa, which was then a part of Genoa. Dying from plague themselves, army members attached bodies and heads of the deceased to slings and then landed them inside the walled city of their victims. A plague epidemic followed and the city surrendered to the Mongol forces.
Cyberterrorism came into prominence recently with the phenomenal growth of internet. In this form of terrorism the terrorist use information technology, such as computer systems or telecommunications, as a tool to coordinate a traditional attack. More often, cyberterrorism refers to an attack on information technology itself in a way that would drastically disrupt networked services. For example, cyberterrorists could disable networked emergency systems or hack into networks housing critical financial information. The hacking and mutilating of United Nations website is an example of this type of terrorism. In the present scenario terrorists are also using internet to get important and strategic information and then plan and coordinate their attack. Recently after Delhi bomb blasts terrorists hacked into an account of Mumbai based businessman to send email owning the responsibility for executing the bomb blasts.
Nuclear terrorism refers to number of different ways nuclear materials might be exploited as a terrorist tactic. These include attacking nuclear facilities, purchasing nuclear weapons, or building nuclear weapons or otherwise finding ways to disperse radioactive materials.
Ecoterrorism is a recently coined term describing violence in the interests of environmentalism. In general, environmental extremists sabotage property to inflict economic damage on industries or actors they see as harming animals or the natural environment. These have included fur companies, logging companies and animal research laboratories.
Narcoterrorism is using of force by drug peddlers to influence governments or prevent government efforts to stop the drug trade. In the last several years, narcoterrorism has been used to indicate situations in which terrorist groups use drug trafficking to fund their other operations.
The most horrifying terrorist strike occurred on September 9 2001 when two hijacked planes were flown into World Trade Centre in New York leading to death of 3000 people. On the same day another hijacked aeroplane flew into pentagon killing 189 people and another crashed in Pennsylvania after passengers on board it fought with the hijackers . Osama Bin Laden’s Al Qaida was blamed for this attack and the fall out of this attack was United State going into war against the Taliban regime in Afghanistan which is still a battleground. India has also been battling terrorism since late 1970’s . In 1970 Punjab became prosperous due to effects of Green Revolution and this prosperity led to the movement of demand of Khalistan where Sikh community were demanding a new nation to be carved out of India. Led by Jarnail Singh Bhindarwale, they began using militancy to stress on their demands. Soon things turned bloody with India alleging that neighboring Pakistan supported these militants, who, by 1983-4, had begun to enjoy widespread support among Sikhs.
In 1984, Operation Blue Star was conducted by the Indian government to stem out the movement. It involved an assault on the Golden Temple complex. In 1985, Sikh terrorists bombed an Air India flight from Canada to India, killing all 329 people on board Air India Flight 182. It is the worst terrorist act in Canada's history. The terrorism in Punjab was finally quelled in 1993 .
The other states which is most tormented by terrorism includes J&K and the seven sisters in the north east India. National capital Delhi and commercial capital Mumbai also have had their share of terrorist attacks. Some of the most devastating attacks that took place were the Mumbai bombings that took place on March 12 , 1993. In these series of bombings 13 bombs ripped the city apart and claimed 257 lives. Mumbai also witnessed another series of blasts on 11 July 2006 when seven bombs exploded in space of eleven minutes in suburban trains. These claimed life of 209 victims. The national capital Delhi was left reeling when an attack on epicenter of our democracy occurred on 13 December 2001. In this attack none of the member of parliament was injured but 7 police officers had to sacrifice their lives. Delhi was again targeted on 29 October 2005 when 62 people were killed by three powerful blasts . Recently on 13 September 2008 five coordinated bomb blasts took place which left 30 people dead. These incidents have severely terrified the people of Delhi in particular who fear to tread out to crowded places after sunset.
The state of J&K has also been targeted from terrorist from across the border time and again. The most noteworthy attack was on October 1 2001 , when terrorists attacked the Jammu & Kashmir assembly complex killing 35 people. There has been a spate of bombings in year 2008 and the terrorist outfit responsible for it has been Indian Mujaheedin. In 2008 Delhi ,Ahemdabad , Bangalore , Guwahati has been targeted by militants belonging to different terrorist organizations.
There has been a considerable loss of life and money in all these attacks . The victims of these attacks have been innocent people some of which were sole bread winners for the family. These attacks happen and are soon forgotten except for the families who are affected by these attacks , the families who loose their loved ones in these gruesome incidents. For them the memories of these horrible episodes last a life time. The pain of loosing someone for no explicable reason cannot be explained . Some families are forced into poverty and their whole life style changes due to these attacks. People are always under constant fears of loosing their and their relatives life. The government and the police should crack down on the persons responsible for spreading this apathy so that people are not deprived of their basic right that is the right to live. No ideology and no goal can be accomplished by blatantly using force and killing innocent people the more sooner there propagators of terror realize it the better it would be. We can only hope that one day this never ending war will be over and human civilisation will live in peace and harmony .

Should Indian Elections be held online

The piece i am writing today is very different from the usual stuff i write , i write here the experiences have during the course of my day to day life but today its a lil different hope you enjoy it
Indian elections should also be held online like the United States said my father in one of the discussions i had with him during my recent visit home . At that time i was not in a mood to discuss it so i did not reply to this statement but today it stuck me again ... I did some googling and came up with some facts .... The voter turnout in 2004 lok sabha elections was around 56% . Approximately around 380 million people exercised their franchise .
We can easily see that around 44 % of people did not vote . What was the reason behind it ...well there could be many ranging from fearing to go to voting booth , to not having enough time to stand at voting booth . In some cases it might be kilometeres away ... Only 56% of elligible voters of India decided that UPA should rule INDIA for next five years .
Now let me tell you something about Internet .In 2004 there were 38.5 million users of internet . Now there are around 60 million net users . The figure has almost doubled it 5 years .
The peneteration is about 5% . It is still low but given the sheer numbers of net users can't we also make voting online ?? Will not it make a differnece in improving the percentage of voters. The 5% voters which have net faciliy come basically form upper and middle class of indian society and it also includes youth of India which is one community shying away from voting . With this facility being offered won't t be convinient for people who are reluctant to go to voting booth be able to vote . More so we can vote from any location . Look at the future acooridng to Eric Schmdit founder of Google India will be world's largest internet market and having the maximum number of net users till 2020 . I think its time someone should take a cue from US and moot a proposal to make an onlne voting system . Ofcourse there will be problems like hacking to be dealt with but then there is booth capturing existing still . I believe we can get more worthy and qulaified people in the parliament if we have the facility of voting online in addition to the existing polling booth facility .
There will be problems too as a person may cast his vite online as well as in the booth but then we can do a survey and ask the person concerned on how he would like to cast his vote . With the phenomenal growth of internet its a given that we have to have this system in place pretty soon ,and it can be one of the ways to get some responsible and deserving candidates in the parliament of world's largest democracy .

Wid you and Wid out you ?

this poem is dedicated to a very special person ... well Miss G its great to be your friend and hope we will be friends forever ... this one is for you and well i hope you like it i dont now if its the best i have writeen cause u deserve nothing but the best from me but still i have tried
Anyways here it goes

From the time you ,
walked into my life,
everything just froze,
and thought the world around me has moved on
my world has ceased to be what it was

Stuck like an old gramophone,
ma heart plays only one tune ,
which has your name as its only one node
from jan to mid june

the day we will break apart
ya the day when you will say goodbye
this frozen world will come apart
and ya i know i will be torn apart
fuck this world
it can move us apart
but it can never rerase the memories of which
you are an undeletable part

Keep Rocking

Run AWAY ?

Have you ever had this urge to run away from a task , a place , a person or from yourself ?? Well
i am having it . I want to run away from myself , i want to run away form this place , i want to run away yes but i don't know where i want to go ??? I don't know why i am stuck here in a paradox , i don't know what exams i have to give ?? I don't know what requests i have to fulfill i don't know what questions i have to answer and i don't know why i am like this ??
All i know is somewhere inside me their is a fighter who just doesn't want to let me run , who still gives me hope , who still wants to see me as a winner even after defeat and more defeats , their is this someone who wants me to fight and i will listen to him and walk again , for no matter what life for me is TRYING AND TRYING TILL YOU SUCCEED .........

Numb

Has it everhappened to you that your heart just goes NUMB , it feels nothing .......your mind stops working , well it happens in just two cases when u fall in love and when you fall out of it ....
and in my case finally after a lot of struggling , lot of fighting i am free . So how does it feels to get your heart crushed ?? How does it feels to know that things did not work out ..... ah !! it feels a lil bad , but the point is the pain will subside in a few days and i can move on then , i can fly again like a free bird in this endless sky . So who do i blame for all this anguish ?? Frankly no one .. not even myself . I never knew things were like this that they will take a turn like this ...
And good that it happened now , the sooner it had happened the better it would have been ....
Good for me i hope , Anyways i hope one day i will be writing some thing positive about love too , i mean someday my day will come too .. when every damn thing wil work out , till then all i can do is hope and wait , and i do believe other word for hope is life so i have to live my life and hope .
Gosh ..... the castle just broke , it had too i suppose anyways the pain will be buried with sands of Time , i am happy and i blame no one for this .... and its ok GOD .... you must have decided when i do get the one .....

This day next year

hello everyone ... so howz life ?? hope everything is fine at your end .....its fine here at my end too. So i was just thinking and a thought struck me where will i be next year on this very day ...
11 September 2009 .. I dnt know , but lets see i could be in bangalore or noida working for one of the 2 companies that selected me .. or maybe at home waiting for my joining i dont know ...

Anyways the pint is i will not be here in JIET , i will not be here with my roomies....and i will miss them , well it seems funny i always wanted to get out of here , get rid of this place from my life but now as the time approaches to go , i am feeling a little bad ..........just a little yes !!!

life's challenging

ok ..so i am back here again writing dis piece the 56th of my bllog to be precise ...
Life has been good all these days nothing interesting as such guess all 's fine .... i thought i was like falling in love but i got drowned i think ...anyways i am fine no worries at all , anyways we won an olmypic gold and 2 bronze medals .... this olympic and the media and the press is going ga ga over these sportstars ...ya they deserve everybit of it ...but give a thought to those also who were left out ..... we make these winners heroes and forget the others ..ok maybe it as not their day this time but still we can give them some attention , they are all national champions ofcourse ... anyways lets talk about me i am having this project on digital watermarking and seriously saying i dont know whats going to happen ? i dont know if i will complete it or not but yup i am enjoying the experience ....

i am enjoying this challenge of doing this thing and learning i dont care if i complete it or not but ya i hope it will be a journey worth undertaking .... guess many people dont get a chance to have an easy life like me , gosg maybe i am so lucky thank you god :) ...
once again dont know what all i have scribbled here its pretty random i didnt have any specifiec agenda by the wa a friend asked me to scribble something about kashmir well i will only like to say , no one has the right to play with the lives of people of j&k , i dnt know the ground situation and frankly my friend who is in jammu right now said that media only tells half the story , so based on it all i can say is that it could have been avoided if our politicians didnt want some bagful of votes ..... anyways till the next time good bye ..

Random Thoughts

First of all i would like to start by thanking the almighty .....god thanks for everything . Life is very fulfilling at the moment and i hope it remains the same forever ....... so I am in fourth year and that is the newest things about me right now .... and i am for a change having lots of time at my disposal ... Luck has been on ma side and i have met some wonderful people too ... one of hem has become ma close friend . Anyways there has been these flurry of bomb blasts among various parts of our country and i am aghast . I don't know where are we heading really , the government machinery has really failed i mean check out the current status of India .....

Inflation in double digits , Bomb blasts , pollution level rising , weak economy its been a very challenging time and government has failed to deliver ...... and who can forget MP's holding up bundles of notes in the parliament ... i am not anti upa or pro nda but this plight of country is terrifying and i know its very easy to sit up and right ...that's what i am doing but at the moment i don't think i can do much ...Hopefully things will settle down .. and perhaps government can't do much about inflation because i myself wrote an article last October in which i told about the Oil Production peaking . Peak Level is the level where we get maximum oil from our existing resources all over the world .... Anyways CAT is coming and well i am sorry for myself cause i have lost out on this year for sure .... i dnt know i have been kind of confused after getting a job that should give cat or work cause i think a hands on industry experience will do me a world of good , then maybe after two years i can give it a shot ....anyways this is the only option left i think .... what else ?? well yes can anyone tell me how can we stop ourselves from falling in love . Absurd question i think and i don't think it has an answer , i am of the opinion that as you cant stop heart from beating ,mind from thinking you cant stop urself form luving someone ..

Happyness

In continuation with my last post where i talked about satisfaction and happiness i want to add something here i got acomment from neha saying "how do you fdefine happines?"
well i thought over it and came up with this answer that you are happy when ou are satisfied ..it works like this if you are satisfied with your life even though you be a miser you'll be happy and if you have everything still you arent content than you will never be happy ....
i dnt know i am norta philosopher but i realised this while i was orking on a project last week i took me three hours to get a simple module working ,three hours of intense hardwork applying all the concepts i have learnt and when that module worked i felt happy ...cause i was satisfied ..

i realised that all of us end up running after thing instead of just being satisfied and enjoyinh what we have ... some of us including me ( i being no exception ) are not happy because we are searching for love maybe not having a gal friend makes us happy ,some of us want more and more money ,some want a more trendier hair style ,cell phone whatever ....

i dont know maybe its satisfaction what we should crave for instead of being happy and happiness ,hopefully will be ours then ...

Satisfaction --will i ever find it ??

I dont know .i have two jobs but i am not that happy . i have so many friends a good life better then many people but i am not happy .. i want more i dont know why ?? i am just not satisfied . inside me there is an urge to grow to prove myself again .to have baptism by fire again why ?? i dnt know perhaps because somethings just didnot went according to what i thought ..u know today i experience one of the worst feeling of life where u have everything still you feel like a miser ..an insane freak running after happiness ... and whenever i am looking to be happy ,it moves away ...god kicks it further ..nah its not god its destiny ...but i will trudge on ,i will live cause life is this ..living for new goals ,new ambitions and Pursuing that insatiable dream of being happy

ADIOS SENIORS

Its tome to say, a FINAL Good Bye


This piece is dedicated to all my seniors ..Thank you all these are my thoughts as I wave a final good bye .

Ever noticed water in an ocean it coalesce to form waves of different sizes ,it rises up high and then breaks into small droplets as it reaches the shore …….
This is what I feel when i sit here writing this as a Final Goodbye to my seniors ….. We all came together ,through JIET and had wonderful moments …..and now you have reached the shore and now we have to break …just as the waves do when it reaches the shore. Its been an association which I will cherish my entire life time . I have had memories with all my seniors which I will fondly remember my entire life time .
The memories are still fresh when I was ragged and made to sing songs in front of entire bus ….when I was made to dance on KAJRA RE …..and made to run all over the place bringing water for my seniors ….
But all these form a part of sweetest memories things that I’ll proudly tell my grand children someday. After this initial so called ragging period life was fun and as my friend told me last month “our senior ragged us for one month and we have been ragging them (troubling ) them next three years …..





Seniors always stood by us for everything , still remember when I used to go to their room for studying , sometimes going to their room just fr masti and sometimes discussing my projects and all …

And then came placements , and I can say that I owe a lot to my seniors . I remember how many times I went to their rooms for giving all those mock interviews ,I remember the times when they used to wait for us to conduct GD’s…the pain they took in coming to our room for everyday and conducting GD’s . The sincerity with which they corrected all the papers and gave us our scores the very next day ……
It will be hard to live the next year without you , It will be a little strange that we will not have to call SIR to anyone …I will be a little disappointing not to imitate our seniors …This BLOG which I write also came about after reading the blog of one of our senior’s. It will be hard to live without your guidance and support.

The water in the waves spread and distribute but it does come back to the ocean again when it rains , yeah I agree we have to separate and move on but the bond that we share will always keep us united . …..

Good Luck to all of you ……. SIR’s stay in touch….

As i look inside

As I look inside

As I look inside,
I find a fighter ,
Who loves his self respect more than
Anything else

As I look inside,
I find a child,
eager to learn,
All the lessons
Life has to offer

As I look inside
I find an idiot
Who sometimes does not know
What to say and what to do

As I look inside,
I find a taciturn
Who has so much to say
And so much to tell
But will never say them when they should be told……..

As I look inside
I find a winner
Who fought & won
When peple around him gave up and cried

As I look inside
I find a looser
Who never told & gave up
Someone things he
Should have tried

As I look inside
I find a coward
Who gave in
When everybody stood up

As I look inside
I find an insatiate
Running this never ending race
to fulfill his dreams
some body tell him
this world cannot be ruled





As I look inside
I find a stupid
Who is looking for happiness in future
Without enjoying the present

As I look inside
I find a soul
Waiting to be loved
Some body tell
Him love is no where to be sold
And something are never said
Believe me they are not even told
But They are only understood ……


That is what I find when I look inside ……..

ever tok a look inside What do you all find ???

Half Century !!! Yipee

So here it goes .. this is my fiftieth post . What started as a naive attempt to put on script my thoughts soon grew into an obsession and i am here writing my fiftieth post ..... Well i was waiting for this one ... so when i opened my blogspots and saw i had 49 posts and this will be my 50th i now plan to write what i thought to write in my 51st post and write something about the people who read my blog in ths post

This post is dedicated to all my readers
Reeti Di & Rupali di , UMANG,NEHA ,Aditi ,Chetna,Sameer Sir ,Anupam sir and Mrinal and Sharvani
Thanks for your comments and keen insights , its been a wonderful journey till now and i hope the same continues forever

Live & let live

Live and Let live this is the new motto of my life after some incidents which happened between me and my friends recently . I don't know how i became so involved in thir life that i forgot i had a life of my own too ........

i dont know why but ya i am sorry as it turns out to be you often end up becoming what you hate becoming the most,maybe the same thing happened with me but now i have realised my mistakes and i think i will not be that overpossesive idioot anymore who is giving his advices to everybody even when no body needs it .

Anyways these days these has been a lot of focus on my hairstyle so i would like to mention it here that ya i paid 350 bucks for it but the past part is i m loving it ,though at that time it thought the barber overcharged and made a fool out of me . Some of my friends got inspired and got a hair style themselves but i wil like to tell you mine's the best ... cause i am the best he he ;)

Some lessons are thought by life itself ,yup i will remember this and try to mind my own life ....

Added a pic ...so you can all see where the 350 bucks went

Placements

Well finally i am blogging after a gap of over two months and it feels great to be back here , First of all i would like to inform all of you that i have cracked two companies
Torry Harris Bussiness Solutions & Tech Mahindra . So all the hardwork of last five to six months and thirteen to fourteen Years paid off .

I would like of u to read a piece i wrote in october lat year in which i wrote in the concluding paragraph
"I hope each one of us end up somewhere ….. for this will give us the satisfaction the past three years and twelve before it was fruitful and it was not a mistake to spend them .
Anyways I do often get the feeling that I may breakdown in front of my interviewers but I am being optimistic about it I would like to say for now let the wheel roll …. Whatever future holds I now I am in for some serious fun … and I hope this Jan ’08 will be a happy hunting ground from me .."

In this post i talked about satisfaction and now i know i was very very incorrect to have written it. Placements are important but they can never be used as a barometer to judge our entire academics. SO what is placements all about ?? many of my juniors have popped this question to me . well let me give you my perspective

Placements hmm a normal guy do dream about getting placed when he opts for a college that is before the first year had begun itself , we join a college on the basis of its placement even i took this decision to come to GUNA cause i knew that i will have an option to sit for placements in NOIDA.
Anyways lets start with the real story ...About placements ... well i seriously believed that no matter what the result is at time of placements i would have fun but well until i got my first placement life was no fun at all . lemme tell u about it from starting

We all were told from our seniors that to qualify in the written we have to cheat .. Well you like it or not that’s a fact i am very bad at cheating ,i never cheat in my minors but here i knew or i was made to believe that i will have to cheat to get through and all of our class was divided into small groups .

My job was to do English first and pass it on to my group members and i had to get Quant from them . That's the way we prepared.... but when we went to NOIDA our group was divided due to seating arrangement i remember the look on faces of my group members ... everyone was scared , many gave up . and said "Ab kya hoga." Well anyhow we managed to get some people then there was this fight for seating arrangement who will sit of the first bench ......... somehow everything was sorted and we all made a seating plan . My row was fourth or fifth for INFY.

INFY had two main sections for written , Logical Reasoning and English with Sectional cut offs in both .Logical was first .... i did the paper but as we haven’t practiced Logical (we had given more emphasis on QUANT) i lost out. i could not get the answers from my group as invigilation was tough and i was not that good in cheating but in English i did my job and some how all the people from my group barring me cleared the written,
i was crestfallen but that’s what happens sometime , it was my first company and the easiest company but i let it go through , the pain was hard to bear ...
Then there was also the case that 114 from our insti cleared the cut but names of 57 were announced i don't know the truth of it but i do think this can happen ...

anyways wipro was next this time arrangement was different and i had my own group we managed to clear the cut-off ,but i was chalked out in technical , we were told that wipro will ask everything from the subjects we write on out resume ..well that was not the case i was asked everything from subjects that i didn't write in my resume.
So i was disappointed yea , people around me were getting placed what will happen with me ?? I thought will i be able to clear any company at all . i could see around my people leaving (those who got selected ) and people crying ... i was out of my mind ,i told my mom "MUJHE kuch samaj nahi aa rha kya ho rha hai." but my mom like always gave me
confidence. I remember telling het the day before Torry Harris "Placement hogi to zaroor par pta nahi kab hogi."

Anyways new day ,new company and new round for written .Torry Harris had written round as technical ,i brushed up my ds concepts a day before the company came . I remember guys from noida telling me Ab nahi hoga . at that moment it felt very depressing but i just carried on revising and preparing for thbs .

So i cleared the written with ease , next i guess they were looking for people who were proficient in written as well as spoken english. We were told to sell a bottle of Aquafina in the gd round so all the gd's and extempos that i did before going to NOIDA helped.
I cleared this round . Finally we have a TI+HR round where very simple c concepts were asked and well I was placed .
When my name was called i was not happy ,not sad but relieved , relieved that i was finally through . ...

so was it luck or hardwork ??

I guess i can answer this after i tell you about Accenture and Tech Mahindra , at accenture i never went in for cracking the company , i wanted to see my friends through unfortunately only one of them could get through in writtn and he also lost out in GD.
I don't know but he alleges that one of his friends spoke his points , i dont know what to say about this . In fact i am sorry if this has happened and it should not have happened.
In accenture only the unplaced were supposed to have gone through but i could not believe myself when i saw that more of placed students got through again , in short i was made a fool .

anyways Life moves on and it didn't hurt much ..

but then i decided that if i go to noida again i would go all out for second company and thats what i did .

This time around i had no group only two memebers were left out of six or seven and i was virtually thrown out of my own group , i felt suffocated even in wide open campus.
These trips to NOIDA are not a picnic , they are meant to drain you phsically and mentally .
Anyhow i cleared the written , technical was an agonisingly long wait . We were requied to assemble at around nine in the morning. when the first results were out only 4 out of 30 got though for HR. We gave up all hope , my turn for TI came at around 6:30 in the evening ,sitting a LT all day was very draining and frustrating ,i was asled concepts of OS,C,C++,DBMS and in haven't even touched the book since my first placement . So it had been a month but still i managed to crack the TI .

SO coming back to the question was it luck or hardwork ??

Well a mixture of both . Luck because i went into the pannel of person who had an IT background ,hardwork because my concepts were so thorough that even after a month i could answer almost all question my interviewer asked , and then came those words " Amit you have tremendous Potentioal just be a lil more open,you have a bright future."

Hmm after wipro these lines sound like music to me ... truly speaking i am just an average student with a g.p.a of 6.7 but this cooment made me believe that all that i studied didnt go waste. I will never forget these lines my entire lifetime. I can only say u have to work hard to get lucky.

Finally i had an HR and i was through .... this time i was not relieved but i was satisfied.
So friends placements for me has been a journey in which i came to know more about myself, more about the was this world works and i can see myself growing up and waking up to realities of this world . All I can say is Don’t LOOSE HOPE after INFY and WIPRO . There are many more companies . Work on all your subjects because you can be asked anything and in the HR be yourself . Have Faith in YOURSELF ,
ONE of my seniors Amil Sir told me this after Wipro
“ No one can take away what you deserve “.

That is what I thought when I prepared for thbs and that is what I want all those who are left to think and all tho0se who will face the placements in years to come ..


Finally I would like to thank following seniors and friends for their support …..with you all this would have been a very difficult ride .

Amil Sir, Sameer sir ,Avinash sir, Moitra sir ,Pranab sir …. Thank you all


Rupali didi & reeti didi thank for for your guidance and Sharvani thanks fr that message I will always remember it when chips are down ..
And last but not the least Thanks to the Man upstairs who gave me two companies instead on one and their were times when I was thinking will I be able to crack even one.

Not Afraid AnyMore

Ya the monster is there but i am not afraid anymore , i mean i can't stop anyone from liking anyone . All i can do is open my heart up and leave the rest to the person upstairs , so i dont fear the monster anymore .

so this is what i scribbled some days ago on my cell , thats what i am half of my writings are first done on my cell my NokiA 1100 --- really love you . u r my notepad

coming back to the lines

So many things go through my mind ,
when i think of you,
how will it be with you,
what will i do without you
in the end
i am just happy to know you ...

yup , whatever has to happen will happen , life will move on it doesn't stop for anyone but i'll always be there for her

Will die without you

i had a dream,

in which there were just me & you,

to me you were my world.

evrybody left us,

but still with you

my world was perfect

then from somewhere came

a monster ,

whom i could not overpower,

he told me he wants to take you

but i decided

i will die

but not let her take you

for i am all but

finished about you

just can't let you go !!

this is for the most beautiful person in my life , i hope we'll be friends forever and the monster will never take you ...

SoMe QuoTEs

Ok people life has been pretty kind on me in last few days , i mean i won Graffiti contest among 60 odd enteries it was one crazy thing as i bunked a class to participate in this competition .Normally i am a study & study -- in short Borin sort of guy . Anyways i was lucky to win it but no i am not writing that winning quote here but i am writing some of ones which i wrote over the last weekend , and there are stuck on a chart right behind my bed . So here are some of these . All self composed ofcourse!!

When you are down,
when your backs are against the walls,
when nothin's going right
Its the time
when we meet the real us .

We don't become strong or weak by our appearance,
A strong person is who ,
when odds are stacked against him ,
Rises Up & fights !!!


Everyone fears fear,
But one who defeats it
Conquers this World.

Evryone can ride the tide
and get success,
i'll be the first to go against the tide
and still get "SUCCESS."

In life the only thing which you can't afford to loose is Hope & Confidence .

Hope you enjoy reading this one as much i Enjoyed posting it .

and last but not the least Thank you good , for everything !!!
cheerz \m/

i don't know ??

well this one is one of those posts which wasnt planned at all ,is as spontaneous as it can get. hmm i have been thinking who i am ?? Sounds a little philosophical but then i guess everyone does think about himself at a stage in his life and well i found myself to be an "Overpossesive Idiot" at times , i just love my family, my friends and sometimes i can just do anything for them that crosses the limits of decency , i don't know but i can't just cure this disease of mine , i mean being overpossesive for family is fine but for friends i don't think so cause at the end of day everyone has their own lves and maybe they don't like you to interfear in their lives ??
I want to shutup all my emotions inside me and act like a stone but i can't i just can't . I don't know but if i don't cure this cancer maybe i will suffer someday . God knows what will happen if future but i hope things fall my way .

Guna Mysteries Part -2

Hmm ,its a mere coincidence that my last two trips to Guna have been quite intersting and strange ones . About my first trip i wrote a post "Magic or Mafia " and writing about this one now ,about the yeterday'a trip. My friend had to get his ups' battery changed so we went tyo Guna at a comp shop (Not giving you the name cause its a Blog i would like you to be more concerned about what o want to day rather then names.),in all we were three persons two from Himachal and one from U.P. We gave the U.P.S and the shopkeeper told us to come back in an hour to collect the UPS. ,when we came back we saw the ups wasn't properly closed so we told the shop keeper to unscrew the nuts and close it,as we stood there waiting a man came with a carton of a printer . This guy worked for a person and this person has instructed him to give the carton in this shop. This guy told the shop keeper about it ,but owing to a dispute shopkeeper refused to keep it instead he satrted beating this guy up with help of other recruits of his shop.
Finally shopkeeper himself threw the chairs of his shop down and called the police and complained that a guy had come and ransacked his shop .

I was there and was quite aghast to see what was going on , i mean what the hell was this?? Thid guy first beat the hell out of this poor servant and then called uo the police and with the help of his employees got him impridoned . I never thought that such things can happen , i tell all of you guys out there " this world is Harsh" but this came at no suprise to my friend who was from UP he said this happens every other day in his town --- all i can say is we as a society can progress ,if we keep having people like this who use contacts,power and influence to their advantage . Its a curse to be an "POOR INDIAN " all along last two years i have realised this wheter it was that lady in train begging for a seat of this guy being muzzled and tormented by a shopkeeper, i mean this guy was made a scape goat, he was just doing what his employeer told him .

Rich people in India are having a ball,going to discos , nightclubs eating and drinking ther hearts out but when it comes to these people "no body cares"

i dont now when will that time come when this Ammerraj ends , India is not a democracy its a Rickocracy where if you have Rokra you can have anything ......

First Post!! 2008

Happy New year everyone, hmm its 10:57AM on January 1, 2008 and look what I am doing , I am blogging again , but those of you think I don’t have time for anything else can go for a walk I am blogging cause all through the torrid times my blog has been my best friend, its in my blog where I like to pour open my heart, it has everything of me. Everything that I would like to write …. Ok so coming to 2008 well I have been waiting for this year since the day I entered college. This is the year I get to write CAT. This is the year when I get to face campus and ya I have to do well , Life Is About to CHANGE and I hope things will go my way and as far as that special one is concerned ,I hope I will find u this year .

But whatever happens I promise myself that I will not give up on myself or my life, I will remain optimistic and though things may get a bit dull I would not give up my spark . 2008 I promise you that you’ll be one of that year in which I will really work hard without expecting anything, I will enjoy each and everything I do and live “this very moment” to best of my Abilities. If anything is got to be done its “got to be done NOW. Its now OR Never.” …. Rock on\m/ and winding this up with a quotation from Father Ambrose D’Souza “IF IT’S GOING TO BE IT’S UPTO ME.” I remember each and every word sir and yes if I want it I will do it, no question about it.